Session 1 – Some Kind of Birth
Winter approaches the Lensig Empire, and in the border town Felsreach four strangers accept a job: collecting a package for the Autumn festival from a mysterious forest cult (sexy druids).
On the way, a magical pool gave Balonius Jorkins some closure over the death of his brother, and temporarily severed Bathan Gegard’s connection to his God (which he seemed to find a relief) Bathan and Ulf Vonschplattergeist belong to a support group. They have a prayer and everything. Found a rift in the ground full of yuk (magically hot placenta) Caitlin O’Shea now has some in a flask. Also- flying lizard minion fight.
Return trip, Team Dysfunctional adopted a horse- named it Sheneighneigh– then find Felsreach burning; attacked by a large human (?) platinum-clad rift-baby (?) foe and more flying minions. Potentially suicidal fight halted by arrival of a Red Dragon.
We ran away. Bravely. Bravely ran away.
The package is a large glowing sapphire with unknown magical properties, which ‘can’t stay here’ (because Druids are dicks) so Team is headed for the ocean to find someone to tell them WTF is going on, and evade the dragon (currently off the scent due to forest magic. Druids are actually awesome)
Ulf- former watchmaker- managed to rage in the fight. Raging is hard for him, he’s a really positive guy.
Everyone nearly died, but nobody did. A Good Day.
Session 2 – In the middle of Butt**** Nowhere
Part 1: Leaving the Druid sanctuary in heavy rainfall, our four adventurers and Sheneighneigh head North-West to the coast with the intent of finding someone to collect the powerful object (AKA Dragon Sex Toy)
In the forest Ulf’s keen deep gnome vision spies platinum clad knight Rift Baby from yesterday massacring a fleeing commoner with a large white-hot blade. Ulf determined to seek adventure, sits on the path and waits for this clearly deadly foe. In panic Bathan accidentally casts magic on Caitlin (“Flee”) which she does with gusto on Sheneighneigh, forcing everyone to follow. Caitlin punches Bathan for doing ‘mind magic’ on her, doing full damage in our first inter-party violence.
Putting distance between them and Rift Baby, our hapless adventurers stuggle to cross the mighty obstacle of,,,a river.
Balonius leaves his armour behind. Sheneighneigh nearly drowns. Balonius and Bathan have a bro moment in the water. If the fate of the world ever hangs on these people we are all f*d.
That evening, Caitlin’s watch is disturbed by invisible, magic-hungry fey spiders drawn to their package. Bathan identifies them as harmless, but keeps this knowledge to himself, calling upon his god to smite them ignoring Balonius’s pleas for moderation.
Reaching the coast, they find a lightly personnelled guard tower. After much indecision they relate their mission to the guards, who provide intel: The package they carry is a Portal Stone, used to connect the major cities across the Lensig Empire.
The Platinum Knight is proably Aesmuth, an Ascendant Knight – Elite guard blessed with immense power. Aesmuth was believed to be dead. They also share intelligence of cultist tattoos connecting a Dragon God to the attackers of Felsreach.
Our heroes are convinced to return to Felsreach and reconnect the portal stone with its gate, allowing reinforcements to arrive to reclaim the town…
Part 2:
The guards provide the party with a gift from the Druid Sanctuary, a magic spear held by Balonius.
The party returna via sea trip (much to Caitlin’s Shadow’s delight) they sneak through the smoke of the still smouldering Felsreach and past the palisade walls.
Ulf in his furry loin cloth proves an unlikely ninja with his Deep Gnome abilities.
Balonius creates a distraction while the others sneak to the portal, fighting heroically & leading the guards away. Without his armour Balonius resorts to a druidic potion and a desperate escape dash to Sheneighneigh. He’s cut down and his life flashes before his eyes, including the sickness and death of his brother, that he now recognises was not his fault.
Bathan has an attack of conscience, scouts for Balonius and is seen by Aesmuth, who follows Bathan straight back to the portal when he… bravely runs away.
Caitlin and Ulf are frozen by Aesmuths’ magic, who then challenges the Paladin Bathan to a nobleman’s duel. Bathan kicks him in the nuts. Hallucinating with terror he sees the face of his hated ‘bitch’ sister, and ignobly attacks the groin region in general.
Cailtin is finally freed from the spell and gets the stone in place, while the portal is opening Ulf and Bathan nearly die in combat. In the nick of time they are rescued by a gorgeous, kind, noble, full-head-of-hair Paladin fresh from heroic deeds in Hell (Nis Degard – Bathan’s twin sister) and reinforcements, who paste Aesmuth.
Running to find Balonius he is unconscious but still alive thanks only to the whim of the gods of dice
Our crew are offered the hospitality of the capital city travelling via the portal. Balonius announces he’s leaving the group in the morning to reconnect with his family, and hands the Druidic Spear to Bathan.
Ulf is very pleased with his exciting new life as a barbarian warrior. Bathan is near nervous breakdown. Caitlin is giving Nis the glad eye.
The Red Dragon is nowhere to be seen.
Session 3 – Dungeons and Decisions
Arriving in the Capital Beilanda as Nis- aka ‘Hellbane’- is celebrated for her rescue of Felsreach, Ulf, Caitlin and Bathan are summoned to Zukov- the ‘left’ hand of the Emperor, who takes a sample of the placenta.
A dark haired hazel eyed man – Vallus– approaches them at the party with an offer of employment alongside Imito Magus – a halfling wizard carrying a curious clockwork device on his chest, who’s already in Valis’s employ.
Catlin flirts with Nis and a potential date is set-up in a few days time as Nis is busy with preparations for an imminent tournament – the winner will have an audience with the ‘wish granting’ Emperor.
3 days of downtime, staying in Vallus’s mansion:
Bathan buys some splint armour to fill out his perfectly average frame, and encounters a Mysterious Woman who knows his name, and offers him an ‘alternative’ to the complicated oaths of his current god, if he would instead swear to destroy the followers of an evil Dragon cult.
Ulf buys the most glorious and mysterious cloak he can find, picks up a package & acquires a jewelers kit,to make himself a broach in the shape of a clock at 2 minutes to midnight. He then brands himself on the chest with it, in order to feel true rage. The brand reads two minutes past midnight.
Cailtin rolls a 9 attempting a Bad Reputation over a three day pub crawl.
Imito does something actually useful and researches exotic animals at the local zoo, preparing for their voyage.
Vallus supplies the Journal of Salvara – naturalist and explorer, with instructions to retrace a voyage and bring back information. Valis will sponsor them to compete in the prestigious upcoming tournament, if they are successful. He provides the single masted cog The Free Runner
3 days of sailing:
They find another, smaller, portal stone stowed with a note ’My collateral – V’ The boys go fishing, the dice are humorous, they haul in a rotten black woolen coat, matted blue tunic and underwear, and a pair of leather boots.
Investigation of the journal reveals a map to atolls, a partial dungeon map with warnings and clues, a picture of an eye, the phrase- ‘it saw me’ – and ripped pages.
Bathan dreams of Gods, of his sister Nis burning, and a 5 pointed broach he was given by the mysterious woman.
Arriving they find low lying land and ruins totally overrun by ocean except for one downward spiral stair. Underground tunnels, mostly collapsed by triggered traps. Following the only open path they encounter twisted serpent/human attackers.
Caitlin both misjudges her capacity and continues a run of terrible luck. She’s saved from death blow by Imito stepping in front and casting Shield, and Bathan heroically barreling through the baddies to heal her. She flashbacks to pissing rianbows after drinking fey whisky as she makes her death saves.
Bathan’s heroic ability is fueled by a new oath to an entity other than Ilmater…
The centre of the dungeon reveals malformed human skeletons. Caitlin finds the ‘Gleamdance Blade’ a gorgeous long dagger crafted from transparent pixie wings with glowing veins. Bathan finds ancient coins.
The centerpiece of the dungeon is a coiled sleeping Black Dragon in a pool of acid. Ulf with superior darkvision is mostly sure it’s dead, so unwraps the package he bought… and plays his new bagpipes.
It’s dead.
Investigation reveals it’s wrapped around a large, living, black dragon egg.
Multiple attempts, and Imito and Bathan suffering acid burns, result in releasing the egg, and getting it up the spiral stairs. Returning, on the third day the Red Dragon appears in the sky close to Beilanda and begins a diving attack, but is seen off by a living Black Dragon emerging from the ocean.
On return to harbour they are met by Vallus, who Cailtin correctly guesses is a dragon in human form. They deliver his child-in-egg to him. He extends his gratitude, use of his town manor, and assurance he will melt them if they tell anyone about his egg.
After the others are in bed, Vallus sends Imito away, after discovering he’s in fact a sorcerer under a false name, and takes his stolen clockwork device from him
Welcome to level 3.
Session 4 – Beilanda Winter Tournament- Day One
At midnight Caitlin receives a visitor in her darkened room, a small flying furred creature she is clearly familiar with. It’s happy to have found her, and assures her it’s watching on behalf of their ‘mutual benefactor’ She starts leaving fruit, bread and milk out for this creature, who is wearing a backpack and half-moon glasses on a chain, but is not seen.
Bathan revisits a recurring of trying (and failing) to fight his sister, a God speaks in his dream “You have strayed, return now” but offers no guidance when Bathan asks for it.
Morning. Bathan encounters Caitlins independant shadow on the way downstairs. It cuts two of it’s fingertips off, they become butterflys, one leaves the house and one lands on Bathan’s shadow’s shoulder.
Vallus announces he’ll sponsor them in tomorrow’s Winter Tournament, they aren’t expected to win, but ‘putting on a show’ is also a way to gain influence and favour. Vallus introduces a pale Wood Elf fighter – Caestral Feahrwyn Ranger of the North – to be their required fourth for entry.
Vallus gets more details from the party about their recent exploits and reveals the Red Dragon was in fact the ‘rift baby’- summoned from hell by Aesmuth, they are bound and one cannot die while the other lives, so their belief that he’s vanquished must be false.
Caestral (CC) is a member of the guild of adventurers, and has a (suspiciously) huge list of past exploits, he scopes out the competition using majic to get information.
Pre-tournament Champion Presentation to the public- CC prestidigitates Nis Degard to appear she’s shit herself and our crew use this to get to the front and make an impression.
At the following drinks and banquet Caitlin fails miserably in her attempt to poison the strongest competition, George Orwell, (audience named) using the milk thistle given to them by the hot druids, and Bathan surprisingly steps in to back her up.
In the morning they head to the tournament wearing Vallus’s colours. They’re split into pairs; Ulf and CC fight a shapeshifting bear -Davy Seymore Butts and an Elvish gadgeteer – Zoriah Fletchborne. The fight is teleported to a 50ft sand arena. Ulf is the last man standing.
Caitlin and Bathan immediately win audience favour with performance checks to start their bout, they’re against a half troll / dwarf with no partner. CC offers to fight with this opponent to even the odds. Bathan is critically one-shotted out of the match by CC who is kicking ass with Warlock abilities. Caitlin is defeated without landing a strike. Bathan and Ulf win favour from the Fighter’s Guild. Ulf also receives favour from the Hunter’s guild for his win. Caitlin receives an unofficial favour from Orvis alocal ‘right person’.
Nis Degard arrives later that evening with the news Ceastral is disqualified for possible corruption in fighting against his own team and the suspicious death of the opponent he replaced. She offers to fill in the fourth place required tomorrow.
Bathan’s really happy about that.
Caestral leaves after a tense conversation with Vallus where ‘keeping the realm in one piece’, contracts, and loyalties are alluded to.
CC gifts his white Yeti fur cloak with fancy 5 pointed star broach to Ulf, in recognition of his win, saying ‘strength is the only thing that matters’ and goes back up north to his awesome wife.
Tomorrow is day 2 of the tournament. They mostly got their asses kicked today.
Session 5 – Beilanda Winter Tournament – Day 2
A fine golden sunrise. Ulf is doing his calisthenics, and plays the bagpipes (poorly) to rouse everyone.
Bathan has slept well and rises in a philosophical mood, knowing that he fights alongside his sister and therefore losing is also a win for him.
Caitlin’s offering to her unseen aquaintance has been devoured with gusto, she pakours down from her first floor room with ropes and pitons set up the night before, landing on breakfast.
Unfortunately Vallus is pissed.
Ceastral was a warlock of an evil dragon goddess (rhymes with we-all-shat) and Vallus has spent centuries distancing himself from her and his dragon kin to have ‘a life of satisfaction without competition’
Aesmuth is trying to become the next champion of this goddess using the blue teleportation orbs to pull dragons from hell and cause chaos an destruction. The Orb of Vallus will be a beacon for this, so Vallus instructs the crew to gain favours in today’s tournament to increase their chances to kill (or at least survive) the Red Dragon and Aesmuth, then leave the city post-haste with his orb.
He tries to impress the extreme danger of the situation, and on request gives them his safeword (it starts with B and rhymes with A Hard Nut) and some cash for shopping; but this warning is undermined by the crew nicknaming the Red Dragon ‘Gerald the Bitey, first of his name’ Then all are distracted by…
…a beam of divine light on the ruined breakfast table that delivers Lorafina a 7ft female Firbolg with long copper gold hair and a carved quarterstaff.
She was in Felsreach and was sent a vision by her God of a “shiny shiny person, with five shadows” she thinks Cailtin smells of demons. There is some discussion on the current state of Cailtins soul and bathing, but then they realise it’s the flask of placenta she’s still carrying.
Lor piggy backs Caitlin to go shopping at The Cross Roads adventurer’s shop, owned by the dwarf Beridan, Caitlin acquires studded leather and spends all her gold -and most of Bathans’s- on an expensive hand drawn botanical encyclopedia.
Ulf gets some custom tailoring at The Golden Thread, which is staffed entirely by automatons or golem of some kind.
Ulf bumps into his little brother Svengar on the way to the tailor, who is shocked to find Ulf is now an adventurer. The whole family has been searching for him since he dissapeared from the family watchmaking business without a forwarding address. Ulf says he had to find a new path and get out of Svengar’s shadow.
Ulf’s Father has headed for Felsreach to look for Ulf, and if he made good time, he may have been in that town during the dragon attack. Ulf needs to focus on the tournament and tells Svengar to stay and watch and disuss this after.
At registration, Bathan informs Nis her services as fourth won’t be needed, and the crew register with Lor. There have been ‘troubles overnight’ a number of competitors have disappeared, or been killed including Carax Valaria, the ‘big gay tiefling’ Caitlin met while pub crawling and playing pool a few days ago.
Ulf’s gear upgrade is delivered; Ceastral’s white yeti cloak has been used to line his nondescript cloak, make white fur Mad Max 3 mohawk headgear, an open vest, loincloth and white fur sporran. The 5 pointed broach (which reflects prisms) is on the sporran and will occasionally hit him in the balls, doing damage.
The day’s tournament challenge is to retrieve a glowing purple crystal from a podium in the middle of an apparently bottomless drop, they’re teleported to this space, the only way to it is a narrow bridge guarded by a powerful Minotaur.
In the Minotaur fight, Lor’s spiritually manifested guardians and weapons kick some ass (Clerics, am I right?) tolling the dead with creepy monk vibes. Bathan and Ulf deal out damage, Bathan digs deep- remembering the Mysterious Woman who asked him where his allegiance lies- for a mighty shove to throw the minotaur off the bridge. Cailtin as usual gets fucked up in the first round and avoids the rest of the fight. They retrieve the crystal, but the moment it’s touched a second minotaur guardian appears and the bridge starts crumbling. Ulf is shoved off the bridge and out of the encounter early.
They defeat the second minotaur, carry the crystal back through the teleport gate and return to the tournament ground….
…. to find flames, smoke and panicking mobs as Gerald the Bitey, first of his name, has attacked Beilanda and there are flying minions throughout the burning city.
Ulf has been desperately and fruitlessly searching for his brother, unable to see over the crowd with his Gnomish size.
Lor picks Ulf up to help, just in time for Ulf to see his brother Svengar cut down in one hit, a spear straight through his spine.
The audience rolls a 1 for his condition.
Lor racing to Svengar casts a cantrip to spare the dying; but this will not work as usual due to the critical fail for his condition. GM asks for a skill check… she rolls a 20.
Hallelujah! Incredibly, little bro Svengar is at death’s door but stable.
They flee towards Vallus’s Manor, protected by Lor’s spirit guardians- tiny versions of her brother and an Eladrin. But on arrival the manor is burning and ravaged, a hole ripped in the roof. Caitlin can’t find Vallus’s Orb where she left it in her room, which is intact but has been very carefully and familiarly searched.
Entering his bedroom they find Vallus is dead.
They loot his room. Are they nice people? It’s hard to say.
They find a large hidey-place under his bed where Vallus’s Egg is cached, surrounded by hot rock and acid. They determine it’s safer hidden here than with them (even if they could carry it, which they can’t)
Outside, Ulf standing guard over his helpless brother sees the familiar gleam of platinum as Aesmuth, corrupt ascendant knight, walks though the smoke towards the manor…
Our first cliff hanger! Yay!
Session 6 – Burning things
Ulf runs, to protect his brother. Finding Sheneighneigh, and releasing her from a burning barn, he races back stashing her and Svengar in safety
General looting in burning manor, Bathan grabs a large sword and a stone chest.
Lor casts detect magic and seizes a silver pendant and a copper tablet with names on it.
Caitlin is occupied with finding Vallus’s Egg and panicing in the smoke so grabs only a map from the wall. She thanks Vallus’s corpse for his hospitality. Her shadow cuts another of its fingertips off, becoming a shadow butterfly that stays with the egg.
Running out these 3 come face to face with Aesmuth. Caitlin tries to run back in the house but is hit by Hold Person. Again. She’s not very wise.
Bathan starts shit-talking “Your God’s a wanker” but his 5 pointed broach suddenly heats up, painfully burning him, and Aesmuth responds “You mean our God” Aesmuth then singles him out for combat stating “There can be only one champion”.
Lor frees Caitlin and generally does awesome Cleric magic stuff, fading into invisibility with her Firbolg abilities and holding a vital Bane on the foe.
Caitlin attempts to lead the fight into the house for favourable terrain but everyone ignores her. Her invisible companion reveals itself- a pink and purple Fruitbat with large deep-blue glowing eyes. She shoves him in her backpack then pakours back into the fight landing on Aesmuth’s shoulders to stab him.
Ulf joins the frey loudly with his bagpipes. His playing is so awful it actually makes Lor’s Bane more powerful, but Ulf is knackered from running back, and so happy about fighting, that he’s unable to Rage.
Bathan fights with an unusual lack of fear. Grabbing his enemy’s flaming blade he is badly burned, losing his moustache and most of his hair in the flames. He deals massive smitey-smite damage, but when calling on his “vow of vengeance against his Sister” he feels the 5 pointed star broach on his chest cool favourably, and chooses to let the vow fade unused rather than channeling more power through is vow of enmity against his sibling.
For a pleasant change the whole crew is dealing damage, thanks largely to Lor’s Bane and Ulfs bagpipes, but they notice the platinum Ascendant Knight Armour of Aesmuth is vibrating when he takes damage, somehow empowering him.
Cailtin sees dragon minions circling like vultures as Aesmuth deals out a wave of fire and necrotic energy, Bathan is downed.
Aesmuth turns his attention to Ulf, who is also wearing a 5 pointed star broach -given to him by Ceastral– on his sporran… which warms up nicely thanks to the attention.
Caitlin heals Bathan, using milk thistle root dosed wine from the banquet two nights ago. (just two nights? feels like months)
Ulf and Cailtin are magically Held, frozen out of the fight facing the wrong direction.
While frozen – again- Caitlin reaches telepathically to Fruitbat asking if he likes the botanical encyclopedia which was an ‘apology gift’. When she does, her shadow appears holding out a hand, and she’s momentarily teleported to Somewhere, where her Shadow is three dimensional and there are glowing purple 5ft mushrooms. She tries to complete the transition but can’t move and is returned to the Material Plane.
Bathan and Lor manage to finish Aesmuth in a very very close fight.
Caitlin retrieves some black ooze coming from Aesmuth’s corpse and pops it into the flask, making Lor vomit, because she is Very Good and it smells Very Evil.
Bathan wants the knight’s armour but it seems that the Ascendant Knight is fused with it in some unknown ritual. Bathan cuts off his head as evidence.
Perfectly normal behaviour. Not at all like a psychopath.
Reunited with Sheneigneigh and Svengar they see the city mount its defense, smoke clouds swept away by magical gusts to reveal flying dragon minions, immediately followed by a barrage of weapon and majical attacks from the adventurers in town.
Gerald the Bity, First of his Name, is nowhere to be seen.
After a debate about how to travel Cailtin realises the teleportation to Felsreach is open, about the same time Bathan realises he’s shit himself from the milk thistle.
They montage through the city, not letting Bathan wash (because, hilarious) before presenting themselves to the main citadel.
Nis is guarding the gate and walls with a retinue. Zukov brings the crew in for debrief (including Sheneighneigh, who also shits herself but she’s a horse so she’s allowed)
They share the intel that Aesmuth can reincarnate and is connected to Gerald. Nis is in the dogbox, as she objected to guarding the unattacked citadel gate while innocent people were being hurt in the city.
Zukov reveals that the Ascendant Knight armour is permanent, the process of becoming Ascendant is ‘one way’. The body of Aesmuth was being held while they decided who would take his place, and then it disappeared. They assume a narrow window of time where the dragon might be vulnerable (?) before Aesmuth is resurrected again.
Nis is assigned to the Felsreach expedition. She is a lead contender to take Aesmuth’s armour and ‘Ascend’.
Lor asks about name from the copper tablet ‘dNumea’ Zukov says this is a local expert on the barriers between realms, and inventor, who declined to join the court preferring to work with ordinary people.
Ulf asks Lor to accompany them searching for his Father and she agrees. Ulf and Svengar think his father arrived in Felsreach after the initial attack, now about 9 days ago.
On the way out Bathan realises his broach is connected to a certain Evil Goddess that offered him a vow to fight her own followers, and casts it aside. When he does he hears the growl of a dragon behind his shoulder.
They all step through the blue glow of the portal to Felsreach….
Welcome to Level 4.
